At the end of every experience, whether your experience is internal or external, the end is death. Death is our truth, which is actually our bright side. When we are trapped in this world of thought there is fear of death in one way or the other. Sometimes you are conscious of it and sometimes it is hidden in you. Thought itself does not want to die. Even if your hands are off inside for a moment, you are still under the influence of thought and fear. If there is a thought, there is fear. This is why the mind is very cunning. It says “Okay, remove this thought.” But like I keep saying, we cannot remove the thoughts because we are living in this world of thought.
This is why the only freedom is in death, which comes from your side, only when you are at the end of your experience. When you are at the end of the experience of something, you are still aware of your thoughts, still aware of your fear, still aware of your attachments, but you are not creating any waves. You can only see the waves when you turn your face towards this ‘I’. You see that there are still waves but you are not creating even though the waves are happening. This is how you let yourself be in the hand of this death.
Remember that I have been forcing you to see yourself throughout. Encouraging you to see your lust, anger, greed, attachments and the bigness. The reason why it so important to be aware of yourself this way is so that when you are letting and giving yourself into the hand of this death, you are still aware of yourself and this allows you to die . . . wonderfully. If there are still parts of you hidden, for example your greed, it will not let you die. It is like a rope is attached to you. You go a little way and the greed will bring you back. This is why it cannot be that you have to die. It is not possible this way, even if you want to die it is not possible.
It is at the end that your hands can rest. And more and more, even in small, small ways you are aware of the five weaknesses of the person. And thought, of course brings fear because we are separating. We are separating our self in two. One side is ‘what I want’ and the other side is ‘I don’t know.’ This is why we are making death so ugly.
Many times you have seen, in the moment of your connection, when I say “You cannot understand this,” that finally you drop your understanding for a little bit. But before this, during your connection, you have already tried everything to understand. That death is the truth that I have been talking about since day one, but you say “No, no I don’t like to hear this.” This is why we need to open our interior to see ourselves in both ways; our weaknesses and what we call the ‘higher’ states of ourselves.
At the end nothing is important. In many ways it is just seeing how many spiritual beliefs we have been moving through, for example, the belief in energy. Yes we initially need this energy to wake up, to see our self, because If you are dull you have no energy, you cannot see yourself. That is how this energy helps you but that is all it is needed for. At the end, what is it that you need to die – what is – right? This is where all of the spirituality ends. What I am talking about is not new. Every true saint, this is what they have been talking about. ( I am saying saint but that does not mean something or someone big.) This is where your cycling begins to end. That is why we must be sincere to our self.
Death does not mean we are going somewhere. It is like in the moment that you sincerely tasted dropping your understanding, even for the moment, you did not go anywhere, you just dropped something you have been fighting with, wanting, or wishing for. You just dropped it. It is another mistake when the person is thinking “I’m going somewhere.” And in a spiritual way it is the same mistake to think ‘I’m going somewhere, reaching to some point.’ If you are going somewhere you are still going to be cycling. That is not death. Death is in here and now, where everything is ending.
In many ways we are so accustomed to living with thoughts of how I am going to live my day. This is how you are programmed. You get up in the morning and continue with whichever routine you have been living. It is like you are always getting ready for that routine. It is good to break your routine. You need to have some sort of freedom where you are completely not living for the day, not living for the routine. Not living to take care of the body, the mind, or living for others. For example, sometimes the person is so accustomed to the routine of thinking, “I need to meditate, I need to do, I need to . . . It is good to break that, taste it, taste what it is like to be no one, nothing. This is what I am saying, you don’t taste your own freedom. You are only wound up for your day, for your time, to do something or not to do something.
The mind will still tell you it is not good for your health if you don’t do anything, if you stay in your bed all day, don’t go for a walk, exercise, or don’t eat properly. But you choose to let it die. Even for a day, let your obligations die.
In many ways you are in these routines because you like something. You may be telling yourself I am doing this or that because I enjoy doing it or because I like it. But it is still running unconsciously. That is why it is so good to just be flat one day. In many practices the person is in such a routine and it feels like “If I don’t do my routine then I might lose my train.” Just for that day, lose your train. It is not that you begin thinking “Okay, I will just do whatever I want to do” it is not like that. Otherwise it will be the same – running. Break all the rules by just being flat, restful, no time. Otherwise it is like time is running.
These days the person is so accustomed to taking care of or worrying about their health. Even when the person feels so weak the person says “I must do something to fix this otherwise I’m feeling too weak.” For one day, just one day, feel so weak, even physically, so you can be so flat in it. Mind is going to say something but that does not matter.
Many times, in the moment that you feel like you are being defeated by something, see that the feeling only happens for a very short time and after that it is back to the same routine. If you have that kind of day, even if it is just one day, where you feel like you are totally being defeated, just be flat in it. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, inside and outside, nothing.